Killingxxlights' Journals

The Big Apple

(all pictures displayed on this blog post have been taken by me)

today I traveled to New York City and it was AMAZING. I have never been there before. it is incredibly huge compared to Philadelphia, it makes Philly look like an ant in comparison!

I woke up at about 4:30am to get ready, and left the house at around 5:30am to go down town (Philadelphia) to wait for the Bolt bus that would take us (myself, my mom, my brother, and my grandma) down to New York City. we arrived at the bus stop really early and were one of the first people to show up. the bus was actually late to pick us up, but only by a few minutes. we all got on the bus and were on our way. the bus drive to New York was 2hrs long!

after we were officially arrived in New York City we had to take the subway to get to where our tour bus was, we all wanted to go sight seeing. at first we actually got on the wrong subway train, it was going the opposite direction of where we had to go, so we had to get off and get on the right subway train. after fixing that dilemma we finally made it to where the tour bus was parked, and we made it early. the tour then started about a half an hour later and lasted about 4 hours in total.

we first stopped at The Dakota building, where John Lennon was shot.

we then went to Central Park where John Lennon's memorial is.

we then also saw various sights such as:
The Flat Iron Building:

The Empire State Building:

SOHO CAFE:

The Brooklyn Bridge:

we then took a ferry ride to see The Statue Of Liberty!

after all of this, we got off the ferry and met our bus at the New York Plaza, where we then saw other sights such as:
Trinity Church:

NYSE, New York Stock Exchange:

Ground Zero:

to me, Ground Zero was absolutely amazing. as our tour group was looking out at what once was the World Trade Center, there was nothing but silence. it was truly just a touching experience, I think partly because it looks as if it could have happened last week. they haven't built anything there yet, so it's still essentially left naked and seemingly untouched as it has been for the past (almost) 8 years now.

the tour then ended, leaving us where we had started, so my family and I wandered down near Times Square.

well look what I found in New York City... okay, so this was amazing to me, I don't have a Jamba Juice around where I live (at least I'm pretty sure), and I know they make awesome drinks, so I HAD to stop in.

I ordered a "Strawberry Surf Rider" drink. it was so tasty! mmmm.

happily trotting along with my juice, my family and I then where walking directly down Times Square.

we then took the subway back up to where our Bolt bus was going to pick us up, which was right in front of a diner called "Tick Tock Diner". we had time to spare so we went in and had dinner.

I ordered a roasted veggie wrap, yummy.

we then got back on the Bolt bus which took us home, it was another 2hr drive, but my ipod was there to help ease the length of time.

my day then ended with a nice/delicious chai latte from Starbucks!

Seriously, know what sXe is.

If I see one more X on someones hands who isn't sXe I am about to spazz.
Some how they think putting the X symbol on your hands is trendy? IT FUCKING ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING! If you're not straight edge don't fucking put X's on your hands, you just look like a contradictory ass, and I think it's actually kind of rather insulting in the sense that it truly does stand for something, and those people are too ignorant to realize it.
:P

sXe is an abbreviation of â�œstraight edge,â� a term used to describe a youth movement which eschews the use of drugs, alcohol, and other substances deemed â�œpoisonsâ� by members of the movement. This movement arose among followers of hardcore punk music in the 1980s, primarily in response to the hedonism associated with punk music during this period. Although many straight edgers are followers of punk and metal, it's not necessary to be a punk fan to follow sXe principles.

In straight edge culture, people believe that they should treat their bodies with care and respect, avoiding substances which could cause harm. This includes drugs and alcohol, with some people also avoiding tobacco and caffeine. Some straight edgers are vegan, believing that animal products harm the body and the spirit, and some also eschew casual sexuality. Different people have different interpretations of what it means to be sXe, and numerous communities exist for straight edgers who want to network with people who have similar interests.

Among youth movements, sXe is really rather interesting. Although it is associated with hardcore punk music, its fundamental concepts are closer to those of religious youth movements than hardcore movements, and straight edgers often have a lot in common with devout youth. Members of the movement have also been known to point out that it is one of the few youth movements which makes abstinence from drugs, casual sexuality, and other potentially harmful behaviors not only socially acceptable, but sometimes socially desirable.

The origins of the abbreviation â�œsXeâ� for straight edge appear to lie in the custom at nightclubs and other venues of marking minors with X's so that they will not be served alcohol. The â�œXâ� is also used as a symbol of straight edge lifestyle, as is an â�œxXxâ� symbol. Some straight edgers identify themselves with sXe tattoos to show their commitment to the lifestyle, and many also wear patches, pins, and other symbols which link them with the straight edge life.

sXe culture is especially popular among people under the drinking age, and some people turn away from their sXe beliefs when they get older. Others choose to adopt a straight edge philosophy for life, sometimes becoming substance abuse counselors or advocates for youth so that they help people who may be struggling. Many resources for people interested in becoming sXe stress the idea that the lifestyle is not something you join, but something you actively live.

These are from a club/bar... and I am supposed to believe all the people there are sXe? (look for the X's on the peoples' hands)

friends and what the hell?

It seems like with my best friend, well she is basically an ex-best friend now, that she simply could care less about me!

I don't know what has happened with our friendship. I personally have not, and know that I haven't, done anything wrong. We had been friends for about 4 years! REALLY GOOD FRIENDS AT THAT! All the sudden this year she hasn't talked to me basically at all. We have different classes etc. so that makes it an issue to see each other... but we also had different classes last year but we still made time to see each other. Well this year has been the complete opposite. It all started when I invited her to my birthday party. It was RSVP and she NEVER called, all she told me was "oh I might not make it I have a detention Saturday". Now, my party was on a Saturday, but it started at 7pm! Saturday detentions are at like 12pm at the most and only last a half an hour to an hour. So she was obviously lying about even wanting to go. At this point I had no idea if she was going at all! But she DID call my brother's friend Andrew the night of the party and told him she didn't know if she should go. SO SHE COULD HAVE GONE! She totally dissed me, which really made me pissed.Well, after the party she basically ignored me, this time really not making an effort to even acknowledge me. Then I made a new myspace (the new one is friends only, I just had so many people I didn't know on the old one). I sent her a comment saying "Hey I made a new myspace! You should add me:)" well, she never did. I know for a fact she got the comment, she just obviously doesn't feel like adding me. So yeah, she could obviously care less, and in return I have just stopped caring about her, yes it sounds harsh but I really just don't get it. I don't know if she made new friends or what, but if a friend is going to treat me like that, then I have no room for them in my life and they don't deserve MY friendship in return. I actually think I am a pretty good friend, and if she can't realize that after 4 years then GOOD BYE.

pardon me while I rant.

Today I asked my cosmetology teacher (I take cosmetology through a program at my school) about what she thinks about facial piercings, because I wanted to get my lip pierced for my birthday that's coming. when I asked my teacher if there were any policies against them in her class or the program, she said "yes". Now, there are girls with nose rings, tattoos, and this one girl has her monroe done. After I told her there were girls with those kinds of piercings in her class, she says "well are they noticeable?" I said for the most part that they are in fact noticeable. I don't find it fair at all she was telling me I can not get facial piercings, when meanwhile there are other girls in her class with them, just in different places. To me a facial piercing is a facial piercing, regardless where it is... so weather it was a monroe or lip it should all be the same rules that are applied to everyone... she told me if I get them done:
"you can either come up with 17000 dollars to go to a private beauty school, or you can sit in Mr. Magee's office"

I would have had no problem with what my teacher said, but when I signed up for the class and when I read the class rules and course guide there was nothing stated against piercings at all. In fact, I thought it was illegal to discriminate against those types of things. Plus the fact that there are other girls WITH facial piercings seems unfair and unright on my behalf if she is going to say I can't get them and if the other girls can still have theirs. I know piercings can be seen as "un-professional" and even intimidating, but it's still the fact that she is letting certain facial piercings aloud and yet another kind is completely unacceptable in my opinion. It's seems just not right! Even the school rules don't have an issue with piercings. My teacher also mentioned "I know you think this is just fun and games..." (as if I don't take what I am doing seriously)
Okay... 1) NO I don't, in fact I take it very seriously.
2) I don't understand how getting my lip done would prohibit or enable me from doing any work.
3) Sure it could be seen as "Oh my god look at her, I don't want her to do my hair because of the way she looks" well if that person would think that about me JUST based on my looks, then I wouldn't enjoy spending my time and skill on them in the first place. There is no reason why someone should be judged for liking or even having certain things like piercings or tattoos.

Is there anything I can do to justify my right to have the piercing? I ultimately and probably will not be able to get it done, but for the most part I think it's odd my teacher would say something against piercings to me personally when other girls have other facial piercings.

Maybe I should have chosen a different career, it seems so ridiculous to even say that.... but if I am going to be in a career where I am going to be judged on the way I look, and possibly even make less money because I would be "intimidating" then maybe I should do something else. But I have seen many stylists with piercings and tattoos before.

Survey!!!!!

(stolen from the lovely Aly, hah)
SURVEY TIME!
How do you really feel?

__________________________________

1. Whats your name? -

2. Are we close? -

3. What do you think of me? -

4. Do you fancy me? -

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Why did you first add me? -

7. Describe me in 3 words. -

8. If you had me for thirty minutes, what would you do? -

9. What was your first impression of me? -

10. Do you still think the same? -

11. What reminds you of me? -

12. If you could give me anything, what would it be? -

13. How well do you know me? -

14. What do you like best about me? -

15. Ever wanted to tell me something you couldn't? -

16. Could you ever love me? -

17. What would you do if you spotted me randomly in person? -

18. Give me a nickname and explain why. -

19. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you? -

20. Anything to say before you go? -

music shuffle thing

Put your MP3 Player, iPod, or music device on shuffle and answer the questions according to what song plays. It's really interesting. ;) Here's how mine turned out.

Pt. I

1. How does the world see me?
Who Knew - AFI (they don't know me!... lol)

2. Will I have a happy life?
The Killing Lights - AFI (doesn't appear to be)

3. What do my friends really think of me?
Incorporeal - Tiger Army (hmmm)

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Bigmouth Strikes Again -The Smiths (???)

5. How can you be happy?
Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings) - AFI (hehe, making paper airplanes!)

6. What should I do with my life?
Wester - AFI (move west?? which I would happily do lol)

7. Why must life be so full of pain?
Brat - Green Day (haha yeah, so stop crying kids!)

8. Will I ever have children?
Summer Shudder- AFI (summer babies! lol)

9. Will I die happy?
No Dave Party - AFI (????!!!)

10. What is some good advice for me?
The Mother In Me - AFI (am I wise then?? lol)

11. What is happiness?
I Wont Share You - The Sniths (obviously it's not sharing)

12. What's my favorite fetish?
Cruise Control - AFI (I guess yelling "I don't wanna fuck you" to people 0_0)

13. How will I be remembered?
Hot Hot Hot - The Cure (*sizzle!* lol)

14. What is sadness?
Self Pity - AFI (so true!)

15. Why are you so gay?
Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode (hahaha... uhmmmm?)

Pt. II

1. What is your love life like?
This Charming Man -The Smiths (haha romantic/charming)

2. What is sex with you like?
Where Would You Like Them Left? - Blaqk Audio (hahahaha....omg)

3. What's your life motto?
Stiff Kittens -Blaqk Audio (lots of BA in this shuffle! lol)

4. What do your parents think of you?
Today's Lesson - AFI (not so well.... )

5. What does your best friend really think of you?
Totalimmortal - AFI (??)

6.What's your favorite hobby?
Girls and Boys - Blaqk Audio (woah..... 0_0)

7. What's the worst thing about you?
PH Low - AFI (my PH level... damn!)

8. Describe your mind.
The Leaving Song - AFI (blank mind??)

9. How will you die?
Bizzare Love Triangle - New Order (creepy!)

10. How does your crush/S.O. feel about you?
Kill Caustic - AFI (they hate me!)

11. What is your wedding going to be like?
Synesthesia - AFI (stalker-ish?? hahahahaha)

12. What about your honeymoon?
Digital - Joy Division (paranoid.....lol)

13. Describe the last day of your life.
The Love Letter - Blaqk Audio (epic!)

14. Why does life suck?
Midnight Sun - AFI (that's why...)

15. Why does life rule?
Death of Seasons - AFI (I guess it doesn't lol)

16. What will you be famous for?
Between Breaths (an XX perspective) - Blaqk Audio (oh my..... woah..... lol)

17. Describes the worst day of your life.
I Was There - Green Day (??)

18. Describes the best day of your life.
Bleed Black - AFI (uhmm....)

19. What are you keeping from the world?
The Kill - Joy Division (shhhh)

20. Describes your life right at this very moment.
Meat Is Murder - The Smiths (hahaha well I am a vegetarian so yeah, lol)

21. How you feel about life.
37mm - AFI (haha)

22. How you feel about your best friend (female).
Accept Yourself - The Smiths (well she should really....)

23. How you feel about your best friend (male).
Stuck With Me - Green Day (stuck with me, bitch lol)

24. How your sister/brother feels about you.
Never Die - Tiger Army (how sweet!)

25. What your future job will be.
Master and Servant - Depeche Mode (......)

26. How your best friend feels about you (female)
A Single Second - AFI

27. How your best friend feels about you (male)
Key Lime Pie -AFI (I'm as aweosme as key lime pie!)

28. What you'll do today?
Love Like Winter - AFI (haha)

29. How the day will treat you?
Aspirin Free- AFI (no pain at all !!)

30. Any Surprises?
Silver and Cold - AFI

Pt. III

1. What you'll sing in the shower.
No Poetic Device - AFI (lovely, I'll sound crazy...)

2. Sex song.
Cities of Night - Blaqk Audio (...;]....)

3. Reminds you of your best friend (male)
Cult Status - AFI (damn cults!)

4. Reminds you of your best friend (female)
Why Can't I Be You - The Cure (I swear I am not jelous! lol)

5. Driving Song.
Afflicion - AFI (yeah!! lots of screming, I'll probably crash)

6. Anniversary Song
The Last Kiss - AFI (awww)

7. Funeral Song
Moonlite Dreams - Tiger Army (I will be missed)

8. First Slow Dance
Kiss and Control - AFI (haha)

9. Last slow dance
The Devil Loves You - AFI (more like spazz dance!)

10. First grinding song
3 1/2 - AFI (seems harsh/rough, don't you think?? lol)

11. First clubbing song
Born Slippy - Underworld (sweet!)

12. Song you listen to when you're bored
Again, Again and Again - Blaqk Audio (hmmm....)

13. Song that pumps you up for the big game
Girl's Not Grey - AFI (yay! lol)

14. Song you'll hear when you wake up
Halo - Depeche Mode (interesting)

15. 100th song you'll hear on a roadtrip
Dancing Through Sunday - AFI (awesome!)

16. First song you'll hear on a roadtrip
Open Your Eyes - AFI (woo for screming!)

17. Elevator song
Rabbits Are Roadkill On Route 37 - AFI (that always reminded me of an elevator song)

18. First house party song
Halloween - AFI (WEEEE!)

19. Song you listen to when you're depressed
If Only - Blaqk Audio (tear, tear.... lol)

20. Song you listen to when you're happy
God Called In Sick Today - AFI (still seems sad)

21. Song you listen to when you feel like dancing
Crop Tub - AFI (more like mosh)

22. Song you listen to when you're relaxing
The Interview - AFI (very soothing.... lol)

23. Song you listen to when you're chilling with the boys
Now The World -AFI

24. Song you listen to when you're chilling with the girls
The New Patron Saints - AFI

25. Parents Anniversary Song
Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode (how cute!)

Down town!!

I finally got out of my hosue today and went down town. I got a chance to take pictures too, even though my camera was half dead. I must say overall it was great! The trolley ride was kind of creepy, I wound up breaking my sunglasses, and I almost slipped on god knows what it even was, but I had a good time walking around. I basically spent my whole day down town. I went shooping and bought an awesome top (sadly I didn't take a picture of it). then after wandering in the gallery I went to ross, and the selection of clothing there wasn't great at all, so I left. By then I was really hungrey, so I went to China town. I ate at this place called "Emperial Inn". The food was great, and thank god they had a lot of vegetarian/vegan dishes! After that, I decided to go home. I rode the trolley back, and on my way home there was a guy selling bootlegs! He kept yelling "Get it while it's hot, HANCOCK". It was very interesting.

Here are some pictures I took (not much).

random downtown shots:

fun in China town:

The awesome arch leading into China town.

That is my kind of store!

The creepy posters I couldn't understand, the guy had awesome hair though.

The really cool building I seen.

Random-ness.

My food! Mmmmm spicy eggplant. No animals where harmed in the making of my dish.

Summer, ehhh.... BLAH!

It's July already? Jeez, where has the time gone!
It's almost half way into my summer vacation home from school, and so far I have done NOTHING significant. And I'm not talking about trips, concerts, seeing family etc, because I have done none of that either!

Pretty much I have been sitting on my ass, going to bed at 4 am, and getting up at 3 pm. It's come to the point to where I must ask myself, WTF am I doing? I'm going to be 16 soon, why am I just sitting and doing nothing? I've come to realize, that I need to find some more friends. Friends that will actually be there for me. Not like I don't have any, but the friends I do have are always doing something else, or with their other parent over the summer (since their parents are divorced). I need to find more people I can actually hang out with and socialize with, I'm getting sick of just being online all the time. It makes me feel like I have no life!! And I do admit I love the people I talk to online, but they aren't ever going to be face to face with me to go shopping or w/e. I realized I must get out of the house, basically, and socialize more. Even though I am very shy, I don't want to sit on my ass all summer long!! lol. Who knows, maybe my quest will even help me find a boy friend, who is not a jerk/ass.

Sheesh, maybe I need to find a job xP. I am actually looking for a job in a salon, since I am going to cosmetology school starting this September (which I cannot wait for!), so I'd be stoked to work in an environment like that.

Sorry for ranting, I just really need to find something to do that is actually valuable in life.

-Jackie

Straight Edge!

I find it as a very strong and smart lifestyle and decision. Not only does it enable a person to live life with a positive experience, it also ensures overall better living. I have never been into drugs, but I have seen how it has affected the people around me. I must say, it's utterly disgusting. I never understood how people could treat their bodies like that. Honestly, it seems like people who abuse their bodies in such a way have no self respect. I never knew there was such a thing as "straight edge" until I started listening to a band named A.F.I. It's truly exciting that my favorite band has inspired me to make so many positive decisions in my life, so I must thank them. And I am proud to feel like I am apart of such a positive lifestyle. My overall reason for choosing to be straight edge has ultimately come from the fact that I have personally never aesthetically found anything in drug use. The fact that two memebrs of my favorite band are sXe, has really helped me embrace this lifestyle. With out them, I would have never known such a style of life even existed.

So, are you straight edge? What's your reason for choosing to be sXe?

*Jackie

My journals on Davey Havok.

Okay, Many of you have seen the two journal entry's I had made on here about Davey Havok. And I honestly posted them in the intentions to show people how ridiculous their gossip was getting. My posts weren't supposed to be entertaining, or funny. I made the posts out of the seriousness that gossip ultimately harms. I must clarify what I truly intended. I made the posts trying to state that the gossip that is going around is utterly wrong and disrespectful to Davey, but apparently few people actually took my posts the wrong way. I never intended for people to get the wrong implication of my posts. My journal entry's were genuinely there trying to end the gossip, not start more. Apparently, it seems like the journals have caused more gossip, instead of seceding it. I apologize if anyone has taken my posts in the wrong way. I wasn't looking to entertain anyone, I was simply trying to inform people of how truly ridiculous the gossip is, and has gotten. Seriously, just stop gossiping about Davey, and/or Britt. it's very disrespectful, it's their personal lives and it's none of or business. Unless Davey personally openly says something about the issue, otherwise leave the issue alone.

*Jackie